"My prayer is that I'm going to find out who you are for the rest of all the days."
This beautiful message from Thomas Hübl is a reminder for each of us to see our partners as the unique individuals they are, and to stay curious rather than crossing their boundaries with our own assumptions about who they are.
The nature of relationships is that the longer I’m with my partner, the more I believe I “know” him. And to a large extent, that is true. That “knowing” allows for our connection and understanding between us. It allows for me to admire and respect him for all he’s been through. It allows for a stronger sense of love and acceptance of him. It allows us to rely on each other and compliment our strengths and weaknesses together. But…
It also means that, when I’m hurt or anxious, I lose my sense of curiosity and jump straight to “knowing” what’s wrong with him or where he’s lacking. It allows me to assert that I can see him more clearly than he can see himself. And while that may be the case at times, it’s never my call to make. This is plain and simple boundary crossing, and I’ve been guilty of it more times than I’d like to admit.
With this prayer as my mantra, I am reminded to hold that boundary between us and really allow him to share who he is. It allows me to shift my language with him to one of seeking to understand, rather than assuming I already know. It allows him space to make his mistakes safely and stay connected to me. It allows our relationship to maintain a sense of wonder instead of judgment. It is a practice I have to work on daily and humbly. When things feel tough, I think back to this prayer and it reframes and softens every exchange. It prevents me from getting caught up in my pain patterns and allows me to focus on finding solutions together. I hope it helps you, as well!